29.1.13

Take and Eat


DISCLAIMER: Before reading, I must say there is nothing wrong with practicing a disciplined diet! There is nothing wrong with devoting time and attention to your body. (In fact, this is GOOD, and you should) And finally, this in no way has to deal with you, whoever you may be, but has everything to do with what I, Heather Brooke, felt pertained to ME and only ME when I read chapter 12 of Simple Devotion: Answering the Radical Call by Micah Wood and Samuel Bentley.

One of the chapters in the book Simple Devotion: Answering the Radical Call really challenged me this past week! It was titled, “Take and Eat” and was talking about how important it is to not just daily practice prayer but to daily practice the discipline of reading your Bible. The authors spoke of the two ways we read our Bible:

1. Out of discipline- Bible reading plans, daily following the narrative of the Word
2. Out of devotion- at random, seeking inspiration of where to look, or topically studying what is on your heart in the moment

The authors suggest that the mature walk with God calls for both studying the Bible with discipline and devotion….get this…DAILY.

Transparently speaking, in the two years since Silas has been born I have been reading my Bible way more out of devotion than out of discipline. And I feel GOOD about that!! It is way hard to transfer from being able to do everything and anything you want any time you want to having your world revolve around a little person who wakes when they want, sleeps when they want, and perhaps more importantly, does not sleep when they want! In the last two years, I have walked in prayer and prayed just to make it through my day! In the last two years, my prayer and Bible study have absolutely been there but have absolutely been at the randomness of having a little man rule my world.

God's Word is very often referred to as food or substance throughout the Bible. In fact, there are many times that God instructs the prophets to eat or swallow the scrolls that He was wanting them to know and act upon. (Ezekiel 3:1-3, Revelation 10:8,9) And Matthew 4:4 says, “ Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God”.

What got me most about this chapter is that since last June, I have been practicing a variety of cleanses and scouring to find the most preferred diet to be healthy for some health issues I have been facing. Researching the paleo, vegan, vegetarian diets, perfect blends of juices, and super foods, and more. I’ve been practicing the discipline of abstaining certain foods and making an effort to include others.

Before I go on, let me pause again to say, there is nothing wrong with practicing a disciplined diet! There is nothing wrong with devoting time and attention to your body. And finally, this in no way has to deal with you, whoever you may be, but has everything to do with what I, Heather Brooke, felt pertained to ME and only ME when I read this portion of this book.

What got to me when reading this little 8 page chapter was the comparison to the Bible as food. I have been so concerned with what I eat physically, how I eat, and how that might affect my body; yet, have been content with my spiritual food to be random, a sparse daily scripture, and often binging on inspiration from a notable author or what I hear on Sundays and Wednesdays. I absolutely have been practicing devotion but have settled into a lax normalcy in the discipline of my devotion.

These two sentences really got to me:
“It is hypocritical for us to neglect reading our Bibles [with faithfulness and devotion], and then cry out in prayer as though we are hungry for God. Real hunger pushes us into the scriptures.” (p. 113)

I added the with faithfulness and devotion part. But wow, that was a “BOOM! moment” for me. How could I devote more time, energy, and discipline to eating or thinking about how I eat than my discipline to reading the Bible with specific intent.

You see, sometimes I get obsessed with the way I’m eating, I want to do it right because it is SO important. I do want to find healthy recipes, I do want to spend time to making things the real way and not getting the processed stuff. And I do feel immense guilt if I feel I am not measuring up.

These feelings are not wrong when healthy and balanced but, for me, they are not balanced when this discipline is stronger then the discipline of devotion. Reading this chapter both challenged and freed me. It challenged me to let go of the “Silas runs the show” excuse, the “I’m a student” excuse, and the “I’m trying to become a teacher right now” excuse and to begin again to practice my devotion to reading my Bible with more discipline...and even more discipline than my physical disciplines to the way I eat, or the way I prepare for teaching, or the way I do anything. This chapter also helped free me from the ideas that I place on myself that I must do absolutely whatever it takes to practice close to perfect health or I am an ignorant failure. Again, this is not an excuse to become relaxed in diet or anything else, BUT a challenge I feel that I absolutely cannot allow this discipline or any other to be greater than my daily discipline to devotion.

I write this in all transparency and in no opinion of anyone other than myself; but with the hope that my “ah-ha! moment” might also free and challenge you to place the same or greater importance of the spiritual as you do the physical.

Resource:
Wood, M., Bentley, S. (2012). Simple Devotion: Answering the Radical Call. Ashland, OH: Bookmasters, Inc.

25.1.13

Be encouraged in the LORD.


Yesterday, I found myself facing those feelings of discouragement that so often creep in when we are going head-strong after a dream that we have been running long and hard after.

Isn’t it odd that none can escape discouragement, not even the brightest eyed, most passionate idealist that treasures their dream that seems to be on the brink of coming to pass. No, we all find ourselves here.

Those great ideas that make up a dream and
that big heart that aches to see it come true can
in an instant
 be clouded out by the big, heavy discouragement that seeks
 to take your dream’s place.

The discouragement that laughs in the disbelief that people still actually dream your dream…that mocks, more specifically, that you still dream your dream.

How funny is it that at first we respond shocked at the discouragement that can come from others, words, emails, or situations as if it were poking fun at our child. Dreams can feel that precious.

Then when it comes in waves, our posture changes and the discouragement begins to come from us as we say, “how stupid am I…
it’s not worth it…
          there is no possible way…
                                     it is just costing too much…”
Have you ever been there?
Today I briefly began to feel this way. I excused myself to find a minute alone and in such a sweet whisper the Holy Spirit said, “Be encouraged in the LORD”. I stopped and listened and again felt the words,

“Be encouraged in the LORD”.

I began to think how wonderful it is that I can be encouraged in the LORD.

Not in myself, I am weak on my own.
Not in my knowledge, I am still learning.
Not in my situation, it surely is hopeless.
Not in my planning, my best plans fall short.
But my encouragement is in the LORD.

The LORD who formed, knew me, and placed this very dream inside of me.
The LORD who has moved mightily in my life before, is now, and will again.
The LORD who so clearly has been ordering my steps and carefully fixed the foolish oversights in my best planning efforts.
The LORD who gave a friend the heart for giving my precious Silas the greatest learning and loving environment I could ask for.

The LORD who has parted seas, opened barren wombs, and raised the dead.

The LORD who has done all that and still cares for me…that is where my encouragement lies.

“Be encouraged in the LORD”.

How He must gently smile at my foolish cares and my lack of faith. How He must feel that loving frustration a parent feels when they are ready for their child to just get it.

Well today God, I get it…and I’m encouraged in who you are and who I am in you.

*************************
This is in no way a reflection of my student teaching experience thus far! Just a lesson, I learned this week and a current meditation of my heart. :)

12.7.11

Growing as a DAD

To say that I’ve never experienced love like this would be an understatement.  I know you’re already thinking it, but I’ll go ahead and say it: my son is the smartest, cutest, most adorable baby boy on the planet, (and I would only hope that every dad feels this way about his own son)!

The feeling I get when I look at my boy and know that he’s mine…unexplainable!  Knowing that he recognizes me when I get home from work simply by the smile he gives me…unbelievable!  Understanding and being full of confidence that God has amazing plans in store for his precious life…undeniable!

It’s really crazy to think that Silas is 20 weeks old!  I’m beginning to realize what my parents mean when they say “Time flies by!” or “Seems like it was only yesterday when…”  I have a new appreciation for my amazing parents and a newfound realization of my purpose in life!  I feel so privileged that God chose me to be Brooke’s husband and Silas’ dad!  Do I occasionally feel like I’m not good enough, strong enough, or unequipped for the job? Of course!  But that’s what grows my dependency on God and His continual work in my life!  I love my family, and I’m realizing more and more each day that there’s nothing more important!



28.6.11

A Secret Society

In the last four months, I’ve discovered I’ve entered a secret society of women.  The funny thing is you see them everywhere- at church or the grocery store or out for a walk. You know the ones who wearing a beautiful baby either in a sling or on their hip that you politely ask, “how old is he”, or comment on how little or big he is for being such a little one. 

What’s so secret about these women you might ask? 

I certainly didn’t realize until I became one but behind that sleepy eyes that are carefully touched up with make up and the proud smile only a new mother could have is such a feeling of…

aloneness.

Before you read further know this isn’t going to be a depressing post but rather a honest reflection of a new mommy. No matter how attentive and praising your husband might be (and yes, I am SO blessed with one!), or how much assurance your own mother gives, or how many seasoned mothers at church cheer at your efforts- a new mom feels very alone in this new role.

After your husband returns to work, many days are spent in aloneness with this wonderful baby as you meticulously try to figure out sleeping and feeding charts, how to reach milestones, peddle out gas, and simply fit taking a shower into the day!

It’s the sweetest, most precious time of you life…
                 …and yet the most difficult, and trying so far.

You’re clueless,
                  sleep- deprived,
                                     loving this,
                                                hating that,
                         and mostly, just alone to figure it all out.

God has so opened my eyes up to these precious women that through motherhood He is teaching them lessons of His love faster than they can process. These women who have such a wonderful blessing, and are by no means complaining, but just sometimes feel like they a drowning in this newness... Each new mommy is trying so hard to make the right decision and to know what to do!

When I wake up at two in the morning and I go to pop that paci in, my mind drifts and I think of my friend in Sweeden and wonder how her and her little girl are doing with their feeding struggle. And I say a prayer for them.

When Silas wakes up and it’s 9 am and we are either all smiles because we had a good night or barely making it because it was a rough one, I think of another new mom in California and wonder how her little princess made it through their night- it’s 6 am their time, are they feeding yet or is she making it until 8? I cheer her on with a little prayer!

When I meet new mothers at church, I totally feel how amazing it is for me, and for them, to find someone who can relate!

New mommies all around the globe in their own little bubble, praying and problem-solving, learning and loving their little masterpiece.

I’m so thankful for God teaching me long ago that when you find yourself in aloneness, not to be lonely, for He is desiring to be alone with you. I'm so thankful that through the times I feel alone with Silas, I know that me and him are experiencing time together and time with God.

I'm so thankful for God allowing me to join in the ranks of these women and opening my eyes to them and allowing me to see me in them. My heart connects with them. I can understand them because right now I am one of them. I know because they are making it- I am going to make it. And when they are having a hard time, I am so happy to be able to tell them, “hey, you are going to make it, because look I am too”! 

And I'm so thankful for my amazing miracle baby and the lessons he teaches me everyday about him, about me, and about God and His love.


11.5.11

Holidays and Vacation- Part II

Going Home.

As soon as the Easter festivities were winding down we switched gears into vacation- prep mode! We were taking our FIRST trip with Silas! This was huge for many reasons! First off, there was many family members dying to meet Silas in real life. Secondly, I have never packed for a newborn taking a week long trip- and boy, do they need a lot of stuff! And thirdly, this would be Silas’ first time on an airplane! Needless to say, I was frantic getting everything together to make this trip a success.


And a success it was! We were there only a week but it was a really perfect week at that. The only thing that could have made it more perfect would have been more time. We both have all of our family at home and so it always feels like a whirlwind trying to see everyone and adding a coveted baby in the mix only makes things more challenging. It went by fast but it was great to have time with each of the family members and seeing everyone interact with Silas!

A few things we learned,

- Silas loves glasses! If you are wearing glasses, your dark rimmed oversized eyes makes him light up and give the hugest smiles! Yes, you are great in his eyes, but your glasses make you spectacular.

- You can plan a huge cookout to celebrate the baby but that doesn’t mean he will necessarily “show up”! My dad planned an amazing celebratory night for our little guy and Silas decided to sleep from 5:00- 8:30 and was just waking his sleepy eyes as everyone was starting to give their goodbyes!

- Being a parent and giving the rules for your baby amongst your own parents, spouses’ parents, and a plethora of grandparents sometimes feels awkward. In the end though, God entrusted Silas to us and we do know what’s best for him. It just felt strange at first and got less strange as the days went on. In the end I realize, no one knows him like his momma!

- Silas looks exactly like Anthony- perfectly! But he looks identical to Brooke! It all depends on who you talk to and it doesn’t really hold true if they knew Anthony more or Brooke more- it’s so funny to see the aspects of us they see in Silas. Because his eyes can look exactly like mine to some and 100% Anthony to others! God just crafted him so perfectly into a wonderful Silas Gage!

- Of all the animals at the zoo, the Panda Bears sparked the most interest. He really looked at them hard, I think it’s the fact they were so close to the glass and their black and white bodies so easy for him to see.


A few pics from the trip,










It was a wonderful first trip home and very hard to leave; but it's great being back in Florida with our silly OsoBear. And even greater to be back just in time for a quiet, cuddly, first Mother's day.


Holidays and Vacation- Pt. I


Our First Holiday.

We’ve just had a few firsts as a family! We had our first holiday with Silas and our first family vacation! Easter was very exciting at the Rick house because it was the FIRST of many holidays with our baby! I would like to think Anthony and I are big holiday people. We love Christmas lights, fireworks, Easter baskets, and Valentine’s hearts. When I was a teacher I had a plastic pumpkin full of suckers for my students on Halloween, and for Valentine’s Day I made them cupcakes. I even bought our dog Halloween pajamas and a Christmas t-shirt! 


But still under 2 years of being married I feel many of Martha Stewart-ish friends and neighbors shame me! This isn’t something I’ve realized since having a baby but something I’ve been aware of for a little while. I don’t have a flag that hangs outside of my house proudly proclaiming a monthly holiday. I didn’t decorate my house with bunnies and eggs the way the mother of the children I babysit did, and I frequently forget the lesser holidays like St. Patrick’s day.  I’m just not crafty.

Goodness, I need to get it in shape so Silas doesn’t wish I’m like so-and-so’s mother!

Here’s to trying:

Since it was his first holiday ever, we started looking for a few Easter basket goodies back in March, found the perfect Easter outfit, and alerted the grandparent’s on what “Silas asked for” well in advance. Here was the result:

 Easter goodies from mommy & daddy

Activity mat from popi  & nanna

 More Easter goodies from pawpaw & grammy

Making Easter eggs with the Kingdons

and Our Easter bunny

All in all, I would say our first Easter was a success! He was only 2 months old and I have plenty of time to learn the ways of a homemaker. :)

25.4.11

New Discoveries- Months 1 & 2

Our first two months have been so…
                 Amazing
                      Exciting
                         Surprising
                            Life changing
It’s hard to put it in a word but it’s been full of discoveries about this baby and ourselves!

A few discoveries we have made about Silas:

-Newborns sleep a lot! Silas slept most of his days and nights the first few weeks! Yes, nights! We are very blessed! He pretty much falls asleep for the night around 8 pm wakes to eat at 11pm, then 3am, then 7am and then takes a nap with mommy until 9 or 10- depending on whatever he is feeling. These 3-5 hour sleep times help revive me for our days full of eating, some playing, and getting things done during nap times. He is 9 weeks tomorrow and still close to this schedule. I wouldn’t mind him sleeping longer but I’m enjoying those 20 minute gaps of cuddle time that feeding provides.

-Silas is a happy baby. He has a smile that he has been flashing at us since about 1 week old. It started as a sleepy smile that I’m certain wasn’t gas. (we ALWAYS hear the explosions of gas this little pooty machine makes)

This smile has only gotten bigger

                                        and bigger

                                                                                                         and bigger!
(Now it is accompanied with coos and aaahs and happy grunting)

-Silas has big eyes that tell it all. His big brown eyes look around and tell us he is studying every part of a room. They also get glassy when he is sleepy, bigger when he is surprised or playing drums with daddy; and wrinkley with smiles when he is happy.

-Silas is particular but easy going. He can sleep through the loudest KTLO service but don't forget that paci- oh and it has to be a soothie! He can wear pretty much anything but he is most comfortable in just his diaper. He will easily and gladly take a bottle for everyone’s convenience- just make sure it’s 3 oz every time.

-And finally, eating is very serious. He makes the funniest noises I've ever heard when he eats. It is something he obviously dreams about and it is something that when he is done- he is done! He closes his lips so tight and gets extremely serious after he eats. 


(covered in milk and completely milk drunk)

A few discoveries about ourselves:

-Mommy has attachment issues- already. If Silas is in the car seat too long, or has been asleep too long, I just need to hold him! So we need to get home or get to a place where he can be in my arms asap! (I think he needs this too)

-Daddy is a master- swaddler! Although Silas finds breaking out of his swaddle as rewarding as those breaking out of prison on Prison Break- Anthony can trap him in so well that we hear him grunt on the monitor for 30 minutes before he passes out each night. (Oh- and if he does break out we are greeted with a huge grin of success that lasts the whole time we re-swaddle him)

-Oso, although nervous about Silas at first, actually is very excited to play with this…thing! You can tell, he doesn’t really seem to know what Silas is but is aware of all the changes in our house since Silas’ arrival. Now that Silas is big enough to play on a blanket spread out on the floor, Oso is right there with him. He brings his own toys over and if we pretend we aren’t looking will kiss Silas’ toes and sniff him all over!

Also,

-We can survive on interrupted sleep on a regular basis.

-We can change our whole worlds around to make a tiny little person comfortable.

And,

-We can’t begin to tell you how much love we actually possess for our little lovey, Silas Gage!