In the last four months, I’ve discovered I’ve entered a secret society of women. The funny thing is you see them everywhere- at church or the grocery store or out for a walk. You know the ones who wearing a beautiful baby either in a sling or on their hip that you politely ask, “how old is he”, or comment on how little or big he is for being such a little one.
What’s so secret about these women you might ask?
I certainly didn’t realize until I became one but behind that sleepy eyes that are carefully touched up with make up and the proud smile only a new mother could have is such a feeling of…
aloneness.
Before you read further know this isn’t going to be a depressing post but rather a honest reflection of a new mommy. No matter how attentive and praising your husband might be (and yes, I am SO blessed with one!), or how much assurance your own mother gives, or how many seasoned mothers at church cheer at your efforts- a new mom feels very alone in this new role.
After your husband returns to work, many days are spent in aloneness with this wonderful baby as you meticulously try to figure out sleeping and feeding charts, how to reach milestones, peddle out gas, and simply fit taking a shower into the day!
It’s the sweetest, most precious time of you life…
…and yet the most difficult, and trying so far.
You’re clueless,
sleep- deprived,
loving this,
hating that,
and mostly, just alone to figure it all out.
God has so opened my eyes up to these precious women that through motherhood He is teaching them lessons of His love faster than they can process. These women who have such a wonderful blessing, and are by no means complaining, but just sometimes feel like they a drowning in this newness... Each new mommy is trying so hard to make the right decision and to know what to do!
When I wake up at two in the morning and I go to pop that paci in, my mind drifts and I think of my friend in Sweeden and wonder how her and her little girl are doing with their feeding struggle. And I say a prayer for them.
When Silas wakes up and it’s 9 am and we are either all smiles because we had a good night or barely making it because it was a rough one, I think of another new mom in California and wonder how her little princess made it through their night- it’s 6 am their time, are they feeding yet or is she making it until 8? I cheer her on with a little prayer!
When I meet new mothers at church, I totally feel how amazing it is for me, and for them, to find someone who can relate!
New mommies all around the globe in their own little bubble, praying and problem-solving, learning and loving their little masterpiece.
I’m so thankful for God teaching me long ago that when you find yourself in aloneness, not to be lonely, for He is desiring to be alone with you. I'm so thankful that through the times I feel alone with Silas, I know that me and him are experiencing time together and time with God.
I'm so thankful for God allowing me to join in the ranks of these women and opening my eyes to them and allowing me to see me in them. My heart connects with them. I can understand them because right now I am one of them. I know because they are making it- I am going to make it. And when they are having a hard time, I am so happy to be able to tell them, “hey, you are going to make it, because look I am too”!
And I'm so thankful for my amazing miracle baby and the lessons he teaches me everyday about him, about me, and about God and His love.
